Categories: Phil reports
      Date: Dec 19, 2008
     Title: The Return of the Cyclops

Picture the scene if you will, ...Tuesday night @ SPARKS........ Into the arena somewhat ungainly shambled the One they called the Cyclops, looking straight ahead....neither to right nor left .....he stared ferociously at his opponent...after swinging his bat several times in rather threatening motions as if it was a primordial club, he advanced on his, by now quaking and clearly terrified opponent and uttered, in a somewhat unassuming manner and rather weedy tones, these immortal words....

‘Hello, I'm Dave,,,they used to call me Trig...then Twig...now, cos I've got a problem with my eye they think it's funny to call me Cyclops...so confusing really...sometimes I can't even remember what I'm s'posed to be called...or why....' The massed supporters of SPARKS 2 gathered in the gallery overlooking the Brian Booth Court to witness the return of the Cyclops chanted rhythmically and in unison ‘Cyclops...Cyclops....there's only one Cy..y..y...clops' and proceeded to eagerly anticipate the demise of the upstart who dared to do battle against their mythical hero.... ‘You know, VTP', I remarked, turning to our esteemed Squash Chairman, ‘Mythically, the Brothers Cyclops were the sons of Uranus, strong, stubborn, abrupt of emotion and with a foul disposition.' ‘Yep', he rejoined, ‘can well believe that......sounds exactly like Dave ‘Trig' Port, our One Eyed Wonder, often said to him, You don't half talk a load of rubbish, sounds like it comes straight out of Uranus ...'

However...reality was rather different and as Cyclops explained afterwards, ‘All over in a blur, Phil...bit quick he was..did me best..good to be back playing but the best man won on the night' Yep..by 3-0 though I thought..bit of a trashing of our One Eyed Wonder !

But, by playing at No. 1 he had taken the pressure off his team mates....could they show their appreciation of his stalwart efforts by actually winning rather than going down in true Brit style 2-3 as they had done in their last couple of matches?

Next to be reluctantly waylaid was Rich ‘Ponzi' Hailston.' Oh you', he greeted me rather coolly , I thought, ‘ going to write something nice about us for a change then...or just sideline swiping as usual......' ‘Just the facts, Rich, ‘I replied, ‘only the facts...' ‘Anyway', he continued, ‘yep- won 3-0, good game against a very capable and competent performer...' and with that he was off to mismark several of the evening's matches.

So, 1-1 and Peter and Bobby warming up on the Richard Jones and Brian Booth courts...but no....what was Ponzi doing??? Whatever surely it was well out of order...or rather they were well out of order...Ponzi, having stepped out for his reluctant interview returned to find that the patients had taken over the asylum! Both Bobby and Peter playing the wrong opponents. In a manner befitting to his stature as a Regulator of the World's Financial messes, Ponzi soon asserted order and the games began.

Peter Ng up against a young lass on the Brian Booth Court, coping admirably with her well coached skills and winning the first, Bob the Part Time Fireman & Decorator playing a tracksuit bottomed opponent, ‘former no. 1' but injured and Bobby looked in for a tough time. ‘He's got to focus', I said to The Cyclops,' hassle and harry him' ‘Bobby- never give up - always gives 110% effort - true team player.....you wait and see...it'll be close this one'.

So back to Peter, still unfazed -unlike many other older heads..by the shame and humiliation following a possible defeat by a 15 year old girl- was playing well and easing into a two..no.... three nil win...So with our cheers ringing out we turned our attention back to the part time fireman & decorator. Bobby was on fire....no shot was impossible....covering all corners of the court and playing some delightful...and to be true some not so delightful ...shots, he stuck in, rattled his opponent and doused his team's flames of expectation... The so called ‘former injured No. 1' took to gazing around to his teammates, eyes and hands raised to the skies as if in supplication as Bobby made yet another fine get , and then...a sight that warms the cockles of any SPARKS supporters heart.....a display of racket throwing and stomping by the so called ‘former No.1' ...Marvellous......as Bobby made the score 2-2...but could he take the final game ?

Meanwhile on the Brian Booth Court Garth was warming up and managing to lose the first game comfortably. Garth..or Girth as he is better known, looked as if he had been in full fat mince pie training for a season at The Glades as Father Christmas - having developed a quite impressive ..if not awesome paunch.

And Bobby? Final game..I dared not look.....anywhere...if I watched Girth he lost, similarly with Bobby, so I admired Rich Ponzi's fine marking skills instead and tried to work out how he could make the decisions he did...presumably by the same tortuous logic that controlled (?) the City of London Investment Banks so admirably...... Then turning round...Bobby on match point...and he won! 9-1 in the final game ..Marvellous !

Signalling this victory to Girth seemed to put him at ease..the pressure was off as SPARKS had won the match ...our Iron Man of the Veldt visibly relaxed, got his game together and to be fair played some very good shots to beat a difficult opponent

The After Party

So a great 4-1 victory for SPARKS and Rich as team skip was feted by one and all.....the Brian Booth court had been well and truly christened...it was noted that VTP , our revered chairman, had been conspicuous by his absence until the final game preferring instead to while away his time in the bar after playing a gentle game of racketball.......No Show Andy had predictably not shown......it was agreed that the Networker's Xmas party traditionally heralding the arrival of the festive season had been a great success....A fine end to the mid term break..Seconds well positioned to surge - like Palace - up the table in the second half ! and so with seasonal greetings from John Premier Service , our cheery barman, ringing in our ears we retired to enjoy the Xmas festivities, drink, make merry and bet on the size of Girth's girth after the Xmas season ! Merry Christmas and New Year to one and all ! Phil