Categories: Phil reports
      Date: May 28, 2009
     Title: Match Report

Foregoing the dubious pleasures of Britain's Got Talent and deciding that anything had to be better than the asinine comments of Piers Man of the People and Renown Fraudster Morgan, Annabel Slag and Simon Teeth ‘r Us Cowell, I decided to venture out to the Green Oasis and Bromley Cricket Club to enjoy (endure?) a rare double header and see whether SPARKS had any talent

First stop to the rarified atmosphere of the Green Oasis where the Prima Donnas were out in force (well 4 of them as one of the oppos had cried off) so the Primas looked, with a fair wind, well set on winning one game anyway........

Arrived and to my dismay noted that Billy and Andrew were playing a friendly and GingerNuts had turned up the heat on the Richard Jones Court to such an extent that the ball had burst - at 8-3.......so a shorn GN took that one easily with a lucky nick and I sidled up to JJ Team Skip and Head Boy to enquire about progress.......

And a warm welcome as always awaited me......JJ calling out the wrong score in games at the beginning of the 5th and blaming it on ‘'Im.....he's jabbering in me ear...can't concentrate....'

Fearing detention I skulked off with my tail between my legs and was updated by Billy and Andrew - ‘straightforward phil, quite easy really...but good to see you anyway...always nice to have a bit of support.......'

Back to watch GN actually play well........a rare sight and treat and indeed one to savour and for the connoisseur...bit like Palace, I thought...you have to experience the bad times to appreciate the good...

So, match won and not wishing to be told of by JJ for impertinent interruptions, I hastily departed to the Cricket Club (aka Wetherspoons in a posh area) to watch the Also Rans

Warm welcome and Match Report as well from Rich H, aka as ‘The Financial Overseer of the City's Financial Markets and Partly Responsible for The Mess We're In'...or Golden Bars for short.....

Grudge match. Local Rivals. Cut atmosphere with a knife (albeit a plastic one).

Pete went on first and although it did not look good early doors, he was back to his whippet-like best and overcame his opponent 3-0. Perfect start.

Golden Bars was on the adjacent court, rapidly alternating between the sublime and the ridiculous. "Saving meself for the tournie game against Ollie, Phil". A 3-0 victory over an opponent who has beaten GB previously.

Our very own Prima Donna Loanee, Ollie, was next up and drew gasps from the gallery with his speed, recovery and sheer tenacity. These attributes allowed Ollie to forge ahead 2-nil, but the accuracy and doggedness of his opponent resulted in a 3-2 defeat, but a top effort. Thanks Ollie for stepping in at the top of the order.

IMotV Garth meanwhile had got off to his customary slow start against an opponent who, erm, he didn't quite "see eye to eye with" after previous battles ("He is 6 foot after all Phil". Tears, cheeks... you get the pic).

Garth decided that the prospect of losing was unthinkable and controlled the 2nd 3rd and 4th games - a 3-1 victory and "Hurrah" the match was secured.

Chris 'Table Football' Bowman arrived in a rush - with a Beckham-esque injury - and his canny and experienced opponent was able to take advantage. Chris didn't help himself with his stubborn refusal to play a drop shot -until the end of the 3rd game, when after playing 2 consecutive drop shot winners... he gave it up as a bad idea.

Thanks go to Chris though for playing through the pain barrier.

3-2 victory over 'that lot from down the road'.

Justin - can we have Ollie for the return fixture please...????

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AFTER PARTY

Conversation of course turning to the expectation of a Barca victory over the Man U PrimaDonnas.......possibly 2-0 we thought......Palace's possible summer signings......The Tournie Finals coming up this Sunday afternoon and general agreement as to how well the ....Tournie had been organised.....and then, on the wall to wall plasma screen in the Cricket Club bar...or Canteen.....appeared our beloved and bemused team manager..Rafa ‘Bambi' Benitez .

Straining to hear his words of wisdom over the background (?) music, noise of the fruit machine and East End market accents of the short cropped locals, we caught him saying - ‘As I the MP for New Eltham and Sundreedge Park for many years I put een expenses like others....eet no exploiting the seestym.....' ‘But, you claimed for The Green Oasis as your second home, put the changing room refurb on expenses...then claimed for mortgage interest when you did not even have a mortgage !' persisted the dogged Jeremy PacMan...

‘Maybee...maybe...but I foreign...ees administrative meestake....I een duckhouse no ?'

And so the evening ended, two fine victories and wondering whether Bambi would ever learn the Engleesh language...'Een the duckhouse...Oh dear, oh dear...' and tears as customary, rolling down our cheeks we departed, looking forward as always to the match report to find out who would be abused, belittled and made this Week's Figure of Fun........! and also looking forward to next week's Home DoubleHeader with both the Prima Donnas and The Also Rans gracing the Green Oasis.....Shepherds pie for 20, Nan !