Categories: Phil reports
      Date: Nov 20, 2009
     Title: Match Report
Vince prepares for the AGM, a rare sighting of and insight into the minds of the Brothers Grimm and shock revelations of honeymoon frolics !Oh, and PrimaDonnas get trashed…..Tuesday 17th November



‘Shocking, VinthePrint, absolutely shocking! You- our beloved and revered squash chairman missing out on supporting SPARKS finest due to having to chauffeur HID to some yoga class or other’. ‘Yep, fraid so’, replied VtP, ‘think it must have been too obvious that I was enjoying meself at the club, playing bit of sport and keeping fit- thought HID would be appreciative but Oh, No……enjoyment not permitted…so on chauffeur duties…and, Phil, seriously, also need to spend time working out what I’m going to say tomorrow @ the AGM…all those squash members being there..have to put on a good performance …’

 
‘Squash members ……attending an AGM ? don’t be ridiculous VtP, most of them think that AGM stands for Arsenal Game Midweek…anyway, just spout out the usual:
 
1. ‘Teams using Palace as role model…(seeing Vince’s puzzled expression, I explained further)…mtm…( seeing Vince’s still puzzled expression I explained further) ….heading for mid table mediocrity.. …(yet still seeing our beloved and revered Chairman’s puzzled expression I explained further) ….finishing halfway…neither good…nor bad…like, you know…(thinking of a printing analogy)….like….well….like your proof reading………..
 
2.Still struggling to put out teams…last minute call ups…and when we put a team out, usually get trashed…’
 
which was uncannily like Tuesday evening’s match…
 
Primadonnas v Bromley Cricket club
 
Rich ‘GoldenBars’ Hailston, ‘Overseer of the City’s financial markets and partly responsible for the state we’re in’ stepped up to the plate with a mini report of the games I missed:
Team trashed 5-0
Billy was a bit out classed and lost 3-0 pretty quickly at 2
Ollie had an absolute marathon (no surprises then!) but after coming back from 2-0 down, he lost 3-2- to which I can add that his oppo last time out had a really close match with GingerNuts, so Ollie ‘The Stalker’was quite rightly chuffed at his performance
Pete also had a close game at 4 but lost 3-1 (e.g. 10-9 in the 4th and 8-8 in one of the other games)
 
I was privileged to see Justin on the Richard Jones Court, looking to me, rather out of sorts and off the pace but according to fellow team mates : ‘Actually playing quite well, phil…best we’ve seen him for a long time…yet still managing to lose 3-1’.
 
But surely the match of the night was The Overseer’s fine display on The Brian Booth Court, against a skilful oppo carrying a bit of weight (but looking svelt when compared to our very own Girth, Iron Man of the Veldt) and intent on taking up as much of the court as possible.
Sighting the Brothers Grimm and aware of their prowess as fine squash players…in their heyday that is ….I sought their advice. ‘Old Rich- doesn’t call for many lets does he ?’   ‘Never has done , phil…too much of a gentleman…but moves really well, really fit. Why’, declared Stef,  in his typically  modest and unassuming way,  ‘ just think ….with my brain and skill…. and his legs…he’d be one hell of a player…’
‘Wise words Stef’, I concurred,  ‘so true…and possibly unbeatable with the addition of Girth’s tactical nuance…..’
But despite intense and continuous verbal encouragement from the massed gallery, Rich managed to lose 3-2 at 5, - in his words : ‘ I won the 4th 9-8 (chose 1 pt at 8-8 and match point down - that wasn't popular I hear?!?!?) but to no avail in the end! ‘
 
Still – at least the Overseer turned out at the last minute so immune from scathing comment… in this report anyway….at yet another defeat. 
 
 
The After Party
 
A rather subdued gathering , not surprising really due to their woeful performance, tucked into Nan’s fine nosh and talk naturally turned to The Padang Dinner on Saturday 21st in aid of the victims of the Indonesian Earthquake… ‘promises to be great…authentic Indonesian tucker from Sri Owen, known as the Michel Roux of Asian cuisine……’ .a general realisation that we needed to buy more Prince rackets from Peter Nicols as otherwise our privileged front row seats at next year’s Canary Wharf Squash Open would be in jeopardy….and thoughts about our beloved and revered Chairman’s performance at the AGM…..
 
‘Know that phil’s given him bullet points but knowing him he’ll forget his glasses…..and his notes.. and revert to the tried and trusted formula…..’
 
‘Not…’,We all chorused in unison…   ‘Surely not…. the old favourite, the one that goes :
 
‘Green Oasis… best ever mates…. Jan the kids…. so so lucky….. came from
nowhere…. worked 28 hours a day…. great bunch of squash mates… don’t
know what I’d do without you all ‘(sob, sob)
 
 At which point bambi passes round the Kleenex…..
 
How we laughed, tears rolling…..nay streaming down our cheeks…as another glorious night of defeat ended in uncontrolled and uncontrollable  laughter……
 
Oh and the shock revelations ?  That was just a tease to make you read the report….but, if you want to find out more read Ollie the Stalker’s ‘Thank You ‘card on the squash noticeboard !
 
 
Phil with thanks to Rich ‘ GoldenBars ‘ Hailston ‘Overseer of the City’s etc etc ‘
20.11.09