Categories: Phil reports
Date: Mar 4, 2010
Title: Match Report
Gotta get that tune right out of my head....Vince is converted.....Delegation threatens the Also Rans.... BambiBenitez attempts some rhyme....Also Rans match report Tuesday 2nd March 2010
‘Old tunes Vin, can’t get them out of me head sometimes, what’s that all about then, eh ?’, I asked and waited whilst our beloved and revered Squash Chairman slowly raised himself off his prayer mat having eventually decided which direction East was in.
‘Really takes it out of the old bones phil’, he said, ‘but it’s the right thing to do …have to do…., conversion to Allah, peace, goodwill and all that and also matter of necessity these days……the Sheikhs are a bit reluctant to pass their printing onto anyone who’s not of the Faith…’
‘Yep, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, ‘I agreed philosophically, ‘…..times are hard…when the going gets tough…the tough get ….
‘If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me ?’, interrupted Vince 'Or ‘, I replied, somewhat taken aback but pleased that our beloved and revered chairman had cottoned on so quickly, ‘Seven little girls, sitting in the backseat, hugging and a kissing with Fred…’
And, we chorused together, ‘All together now, one, two, three, keep your mind on your driving, keep your hands on the wheel, keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead ,we're having fun, sitting in the backseat, kissing and a hugging with Fred…’
‘Not p.c. anymore, mind….7 little girls in the back seat with one bloke……wouldn’t be allowed….be pulled up by the fuzz….not enough seatbelts…..How we laughed at the thought if being pulled up by the fuzz ! How we roared ! tears rolling…….nay cascading down our fuzzy cheeks….
‘Anyway, old tunes?’ he calmed down and replied to my query at last, ‘can’t get them out of my head? Nope, don’t suffer with that , phil…....but delegation, what’s that all about, then, eh?’
‘Delegation’, I explained,’the art of man management, in squash parlance, getting the teams out, keeping the players interested, practice, motivation..... or, as Rich H the Overseer of the City’s Financial Markets and Partly Responsible For The Mess We’re All In and somewhat digitally challenged, texted me on wed morning on ramjammed chuff from Shortlands to Blackfriars(whilst I was comfortably seated on Bromley South to Victoria ramjammed chuff): ‘Match Report, phil, well…
Also Rans lost 2-3 as did I – Danger of Delegation to a lower league......’
How I laughed ! at the digitally challenged Overseer’s faux pas, as the other commuters looked on, tears rolling down my cheeks......delegating...or rather relegating... other tears to a lower position....as may be the case for the Also Rans come the end of the season....
‘And who were the Runners and Riders?’, I texted the Overseer but further details came there none....so all we know is that the Also Rans put in a plucky performance with the welcome return of Iron Man Girth to the fold, recently returned from the Veldt, but the team lost due to the Overseer’s defeat, 2-3...Time for a change of Overseer methinks......
The After Party
Well topics of conversation obviously, as we noshed Nan’s glorious nosh, turned to Simon Hopper’s gig on Saturday- great last time and promising to be even better this time round as the passing of the years leads to a more mature and reflective approach....’.
The forthcoming 1st Inaugural Racketball comp as well as the Doubles Day Tournie in April sometime. ‘Wow! those guys on the Sq Cttee really work hard for us’, we all agreed.... ‘must buy them a jar next time we see them....’and then, after an absence of many weeks..... on the plasma screen appeared our beloved and bemused Rafa BambiBenitez, team manager to both the PrimaDonkeys and the AlsoRans....interviewed as usual by Ron Porno, The Sun’s irascible and intensely belligerent chief sports reporter:
‘So Bambi, teams in danger of delegation, as The Overseer would say, going down eh? Not be long before you’re going into Administration the way things are going, eh?...eh?....’
‘You can cough...also scoff...but I, I know with reason the teams be there at the end of the season’, replied Bambibenitez, ‘Now is the time..I speak in rhyme, ......I no longer humble and meek..I going to marry hot cheeck....so Ron Porno of the Sun,..I no like you…you no fun...’
How we laughed at bambibenitez’s convoluted poetry..tears rolling in stanzas down our hot cheecks....
So, Primas on court on Thurs- too late for this report but expectations are for a Big Win...to compensate for the Also Rans dire effort.....
Phil with the Overseer’s unwitting help. 10.03.03