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‘Inconsolable, he was, totally inconsolable, ‘ as I mentioned to Andrew ‘A.C. ‘ Raby, the morning after, ‘Sobbing, tears streaming down his cheeks…. ‘ Should be unconsolable ‘,interrupted A.C., ‘ common mistake to make though…’ … ‘Pedant , typical rural small town legal mindset’,  I thought as I nodded vigorously in agreement.
‘ Yep, sorry A.C….anyway…  in a right ‘two and eight’ he was, ‘ I try, Phil, ‘ he sobbed, ‘ I really try,,,even play myself but what can you do? Half the team away lazing round their pools in the Algarve,  all I got left are the dregs……and you know what ?’, he asked, becoming more animated, ‘You put him in, give him a chance and …...he gets nackered…….and why? Cos he, …and you will find this hard to believe, Phil, ….cos he…..he..was on court before, playing three hard games against nbm danny- who he beat in a revenge clash….’

So, looking at the scorecard it was obvious that the object of bambi’s disapproval was NoShowAndy…lost in three, didn’t really make a fist of it…. top score 7 points. Poor show - first outing for this Sarf London gelding, I thought…could well be his last……..

‘And then, ‘ continued bambi, reaching for his packet of Kleenex that he always carries about his person to cope with these sudden and not infrequent bouts of despair, ‘ not a Frog in sight…Pas rumoured to have signed for Marseille – the Moules Marinieres of the Squash Courts as they laughingly call themselves, and Stef…well, Stef, been with the Pas de Calais team (or rather, he said bitterly, the Equipe) for months – The Oignons – as they call themselves…having to play meself and not fit…. all gone out of the window working for MegaBucks…can afford to pay someone to take me place mind, but can’t find anyone, so have to turn out…..’

‘And ? ‘, I enquired gently, ‘manic game perhaps ?  ‘ Stuffed mate, stuffed…won one game, but then given the run around ..lost 1-3’  ‘Still,’ I ventured, ‘Not all over, Rich H to play next…’  ‘Top man, phil, top man’,  bambi said, using the breathing exercises recently learnt to keep his sobbing under control, ‘Can always rely on Rich….’

‘Injured coming into the match….. hamstring or summat….. played through the pain, two one up..you could see it was getting to him..but teeth clenched and muttering ‘ I can do it ..I can do it’… he soldiered on……steamed up the hill….to no avail, mind,….lost the next …but fifth, Phil – you’d never believe it…6-4 down and his opponent loses 5 straight points…on errors !...’So a win for plucky Rich then, ‘I said, ‘Always said he was a fine little plucker……’.

And then,
there was
making a return from injury

Andrew A.C Raby

‘He played well’, bambi opined,’ for one who’d been trying to be a surfer dude in Bude earlier that day’ …’ Told me a story’, I said, ‘about his young son learning on a surfboard secured by a long line to the instructor so he could be reeled in as necessary…’

‘A tether’, I continued….’bit, like you, bambi…… at the end of your tether!’   How we laughed, how bambi sobbed……tears rolling down our cheeks……anyway, back to AC, his opponent was carrying a bit of weight but class, real class and proving too much for  AC who at times seemed to be on a line and being reeled in  -  just not able to pick up those drop shots or turn sharply…and went down three nil…but no disgrace……

‘And our No. 1 ‘?, I enquired , ‘The redoubtable Man Mountain Garth ? surely he’d be able to match his opponent pound for pound…let for let…quizzical glance for quizzical glance….’ ‘Usual story, phil, oodles of talent but needs a bit more honing and fine tuning…most likely play better when the Centenary shirts arrive…As will the rest of  the team’, he said, sobbing stopped and smiling…..’That’s it, Phil, it will be alright  when the team have their Centenary shirts…….we’ll be alright then, won’t we ?’ he asked, pleadingly, ‘Course, bambi’, I agreed not looking him in the eye, ‘Course….it’ll all be o.k…..you get a good night’s rest now, it’ll all be ok in the morning……..you’ll see…’

But will it? Will the Seconds still give bambi sleepless nights? Watch out for the next thrilling instalment of Bambi the Non Playing Skip (but unfortunately not next week)!

Phil

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