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‘So, VTP’, I remarked, as we strolled into the Green Oasis on Tuesday eve, ‘here’s something that’ll cheer you up…’

 

‘What’s that phil ?’, our revered and respected Squash Chairman enquired, ‘no, don’t tell me…..you beat Fat Boy at Racketball… played No Show and managed to avoid being decapitated?’

 

‘No…..even better’, I replied, ‘bad day for Nan but for us…Red Letter Day ! Both teams playing away……..so we don’t have to go along, support and pretend to be interested and commiserate the No Hopers (being the combined term for both The Prima Donnas and the Also Rans) on another ‘What might have been/ If only’ evening……

 

Thus saying we settled down for a couple of jars served by our genial host John ‘Premier Service’and on the manicured lawns of The Green Oasis engaged in pleas chat including whether No Hopers was actually the correct combined term or maybe like Lions, it should be a Pride. We wondered….we pondered …and then we looked at each other…..simultaneously choking on our beers and laughing …how we laughed ! ….at the very thought of it……PrimaDonnas and AlsoRans….together - a Pride……The Pride…..of Sparks !…….Oh dear ! oh dear!........how we laughed ! as tears streamed…nay Cascaded down our cheeks…….  to later await with eager anticipation the match reports from the Pride of Sparks Finest in the far flung outposts of the British Empire. 

 

 

As reported in his usual shadowy style by Olli ‘the Stalker’ :

‘All defeats for the 1st team I'm afraid. We were taught a lesson in controlled squash by a Fitness First side that oozed class. Andy Davidson, Graham Stellyes and Justin all lost 3-0 at 5, 4 and 1 respectively against very accomplished opponents. I lost 3-1 at number 2 but was really chuffed I got a game. And Pete NG ran their number 3 close losing 3-1 as well but could easily have got more. So a 5-0 drubbing but they're a nice bunch out in Chatham and the food was good (loads of sausage, mash and beans) so it wasn't a wasted journey.

 

Hopefully Gingernuts will be back next week so I can head down the order a bit. It's nosebleed territory up at 2.’

 

 

Usually so reliable , can always count on an incisive and amusing account from Rich ‘Golden Bars’ Hailston aka for short, ‘ Overseer of the City’s Financial Markets and partly responsible for the Mess We’re In’ , but total radio silence so, in something approaching desperation, I turned to our excellent albeit too occasional 2^nd team player, Neil ‘Dimly’ Brookes aka Li’l Short Fat Hairy Legs….and received a rare but rather excellent report (as Hakka Woman, Dimly’s partner often says…it’s not how often you use it but how you use it that counts…) :

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, the chat and the buzz was all about general heartfelt appreciation of the organisational skills of Rafa Bambi Benitez who, if he’d had his way, would have had the Primadonnas waiting around at home at The Green Oasis whilst their away match was …..away!....

Dimly and Bobby ‘One Coat’ Part Time Fireman and Decorator relating their exploits of meeting up with buxom Kentish wench who offered to show them the way to Thong Lane …if they were going all the way……with a knowing glance and wink…… Such shocking behaviour really to try to ensnare our two somewhat innocent City Slickers unfamiliar with Country ways…… and the buxom wench? – she presumably someone’s wife?..... most likely goes some way to explain the demeanour of Bobby’s ageing and very grumpy opponent !….How we laughed ! Tears streaming…nay Cascading …..down our cheeks and over our thongs……  

And general wonderment as to which team may or may not be at home or away next Tues…who knows? Not Bambi that’s for sure…Exciting though! Methinks a Megabonus is in order if he can get it right first time…….

 

Reports by The Stalker and Dimly as topped and tailed by phil

 

17^th July 2009