Sundridge Park Lawn Tennis & Squash Raquets Club, Tennis & Squash in Bromley Kent

Match report

Last of The Summer Whine Tuesday 15^th September 2009

‘So, Vin The Print’, I remarked to our beloved and revered Squash Chairman, as we battled our way through the howling winds and constant drizzle that had seemed to be about the only constant in yet another memorable English summer, ‘No more moans and groans, no more whingeing…..last match tonight for the Prima Donnas and the Also Rans’.

‘Yep’, he agreed, ‘need a break from constant moaning about the Primas ‘borrowing’ the best of the Also Rans, BambiBenitez, our beloved and bemused Manager throwing temper tantrums and threatening to jack it all in as he can’t get teams out’…...(And when they do turn out, they generally get stuffed, I thought…)

‘So’, I summarised, ‘an end to whingeing for a few weeks…. could call it really’….…and here I paused for dramatic effect…….. ‘Last of the Summer Whine’..and spotting the bemused look on the face of our beloved and revered Chairman, added ‘Whine..as in’ , I spelt out slowly.. ‘W…H…I…N…E…..’

The cogs physically churned and light slowly dawned on the face of our beloved and revered Chairman… ‘Last of the Summer Whine, ..oh that’s good phil…I get it..play on words….’.How we laughed !... Oh Dear Oh Dear! Tears rolling…nay cascading down our cheeks…

Never one to move on before doing the joke completely to death, VtP continued, in between howls of laughter at his own wit…‘Then there could be ..when they start playing again…SPARKS Nouveau Whine…even Xmas Mulled Whine………all spelt W..H..I..N.E., mind you phil…’, he paused to explain…Oh Dear ! Oh Dear, how he laughed, tears rolling irrepressibly down his cheeks…….And I joined in too, pleased that Vin had not only understood but embellished my little play on words….

And so in good humour we entered the scene of many hapless defeats, the altar on which many fine SPARKS players had sacrificed their finely honed bodies in order to at least win a game and avoid Donkey of the Week award and a cutting ..if not , some would say, rather unkindly….somewhat caustic comment in the ensuing Team Skip’s Match Report

PrimaDonnas v?

GingerNuts gallantly accepted the cub scribe’s challenge, proudly put pen to paper and presented his usual erudite report of the evening’s festival of squash :

Concise summary of last night..........Peter NG did us proud & Garth was a superstar for stepping in.

Beyond Peter and Garth,and to some extent Justin (anyone playing in agonising pain deserves a mention) it was complete annihilation for us.

We shall be adopting a strict new regime of booze, TV sports, nightclubs and burgers during the off season. The exception will be Ollie; who will be fighting baby chimps in the jungle and eating fried duck billed platypus salads.

With any luck, we'll finish the season in the same league we started it.

no idea of details... JJ your man for that. ......... i would hazard a guess at 4-1 loss for SPARKS, with games being any variation of 3-0, 3-1 or 3-2.

The After Party

Talk naturally turned to Man of the Moment Ollie the Stalker, the great night that was had by all last Friday to celebrate the forthcoming nuptials, amongst general mutual commiseration that the invites to the wedding seemed to have been lost in the post…..

Highlights of yet another memorable season were considered and devoured along with Nan’s nosh…the arrival of Paul ‘Vingt et Un’ from our twin club La Rochelle to bolster up the Primas campaign for survival and indeed help them finish in MTM (mid table mediocrity).

No-one could remember any highlights about the Also Rans campaign which also culminated in hard fought MTM so moving swiftly on we were about to wrap it up when….

On the Big Screen TV… appeared our beloved and bemused Team Manager, BambiBenitez, being interviewed , once again by Ron Porneau, the voice of the Sun in his usual unrelenting manner… ‘So, Bambi..time’s up eh? Everyone wants you to go……both teams end in MTM..it’s not good enough..is it ?

And the transfer monies ? None available…but you’re rebuilding your lovenest in New Eltham ? not interlinked ? Eh? Eh?...’

‘Ees not true, ‘replied our beloved and bemused Team Manager, ‘people say ‘Wai….Bambi,…. wai….. you no go ?…….In my country Wai is term of respect and ees nice that people say few words of my language..so I no go…

…And yes ees true I make lovenest all nice for hot cheeck as she much younger but’…..as he knowingly winked at Ron and slid his finger along the side of his somewhat bulbous Roman nose, ‘ees lot of money for floor to ceiling mirrors in ze boudoir as you also well know…….’

As the image faded from the airwaves we looked at one another…smiled…. and as we recharged our glasses of fine Asahi lager, brewed under licence in South Norwood, the familiar refrain of ‘There’s only one Bambi..only one bambi..there’s only one bambibenitez…’ was heard echoing from the rafters long into the night as yet another unmemorable season of squash and jollity at the Green Oasis came to a long overdue end !

Roll on the Winter Season – Pascal back and James maybe? More match reports to endure…look forward to, rather… As VtP is wont to say….. ‘An awesome club, awesome members ..great location……Green Oasis …all in all…truly ‘Awesome !’ And so say all of us !

phil

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