Sundridge Park Lawn Tennis & Squash Raquets Club, Tennis & Squash in Bromley Kent

Match report

Carrot and Stick
Tues 8 Dec

Carrot and Stick -Thoughts on Motivation……Ollie The Stalker gets renamed…….Also Rans sprinting home…Vin reports on the match Tues December 8^th 2009

‘Motivation’ , VtP, ‘it’s so important, the carrot and stick conundrum……’……seeing a blank look on our beloved and revered squash chairman’s face, I continued, ‘…… to reward or to punish, positive or negative incentives to obtain the desired behaviour and result…’

‘Not strictly true, phil’, our hitherto silent but still beloved and revered chairman interjected, ‘in fact, some would say…….and I would concur…that this usage of phrase is erroneous, and that in fact it comes from the figure of a carrot on a stick. In this case, the driver would tie a carrot on a string to a long stick and dangle it in front of the donkey, just out of its reach. As the donkey moved forward to get the carrot, it pulled the cart and the driver so that the carrot would always remain out of reach.’

‘‘blige’, I thought, well impressed by VtP’s erudition and knowledge…what’s he been doing ? swallowed a Thesaurus? Been to Self Improvement Classes? And then I realised…Christmas…….Vin…A Printer……he’d got a major contract for printing pithy messages inside upmarket christmas crackers ..and was now the fount of all knowledge…..for a few days only anyway…

Oh well, I thought, better play along, ‘But vtp, how can we use this to motivate our squash teams? I do my best, in the match reports, give them all a bit of space, Big them up, Put them down but they all know we’re with them really…’

VTP pondered this at length …. ‘Difficult one, phil, to motivate, to reward by public acclaim, punish by public criticism and disdain……well, think the carrot and stick approach is right anyway….mind you mate, as we both know ..and at least we’re both agreed on something…they’re all donkeys anyway……maybe… ‘and here he spluttered and could hardly get the words out he was laughing so much ‘…maybe…maybe ..The Firsts…The Primadonnas …..should be called The PrimaDonkeys !’

How we laughed…….roared even…… tears rolling down our cheeks as we both simultaneously with hands held above head mimicked donkeys ears and repeated ‘The PrimaDonkeys ‘ !

‘Oh that’s very good vince…….very good!’ I exclaimed.

So, the implication from this is that The AlsoRans are faring well, indeed as they continued to do on Tuesday eve, away to Poultwood, reporting a 4-1 victory….. Only A.C.presumably out of his comfort zone away from suburbia, lost 3-1…and Girth, seemingly playing without any fighting irons amazingly still won, as this email correspondence shows ;

Ben.
Both my rackets had it.
Need some urgently before tomorrow night, is Peter N still our supplier of rackets.
And if that is the case, please forward some details please.
Cheers mate

From: Newark, Ben

He is mate, but chances of delivery by tomorrow very limited!!

So, in the circumstances an awesome victory for the Also Rans although sadly it seemed that it was the PrimaDonnas who were falling by the wayside into the drainage ditch of life……

PrimaDonnas v Dulwich 2

Match report was brief and to the point :

First team: Lost 4-1, Phil to be creative with above detail! Well, I was scratching around for ideas but was saved by a phone call from our very own beloved and revered squash chairman :

‘I was there, can I do the report…please phil…..please , please, please , please ?’ VtP implored, and continued unabated …‘It was awesome, Olli is so…..so….so….so…. awesome…….never seen such squash played…thought he was going to lose…oppo was awesome…but Olli was more awesome…dug in…came back…….won ! ..The only one to win…Truly truly … ‘ ‘Awesome ? ‘ I enquired….’ He played like a …like a…..like a Trojan !’ VtP finished triumphantly. ‘can we call him GoldenBalls ?…he was ….’

And as VtP rambled on and on and on about Olli’s prowess on court I half listened but realised that for VtP to use a phrase reminiscent of his Greek roots meant that Olli had indeed played well……boy done good !

‘and’, VtP continued, ‘ he came up to me afterwards, phil - he – Olli that is - said….. bobbing up and down excitedly as he does…..little face flushed with victory, ‘Vince…tell phil I’m not a nobody..tell him Olli won !Olli won! I took phil’s words to heart..ate the carrot……Olli won! Olli won!’

‘So, he played well then, Vin? ‘ I couldn’t resist asking…. Several minutes later I managed to get a word in… ‘And the others? Any good? ‘

‘All lost mate, Steph on his way back from long layoff, JJ off his best, Kev…….is ….Kev… and Graham did well but difficult oppos , phil…good standard…….mind you Olli won…should have been there, phil…….’ I disconnected as I had a life to lead but presumably VtP carried on for several more minutes extolling the virtues of OllieThe Stalker aka OlliTheTrojan aka Goldenballs……

AfterParty

Bit subdued really…Head Boy JJ whining on about resources or lack thereof, James Fender The Rock God on his travels, Billy gone, 5 Bellies unavailable…Networker, Boothy to bolster the 2nds…where were these people? VtP making rash promises that we would sort something out in the close season……….(knew he shouldn’t be let out by himself alone)…but, with the news of the AlsoRans stunning victory the mood lightened and then our beloved and revered squash chairman summarised our thoughts on motivation and …how we laughed.!.....tears rolling from our pretend donkey ears down our cheeks as we ate Nan’s hearty beef stew mash ‘n’ carrots and the clubhouse rafters rocked to the chant of ‘PrimaDonkeys…there’s only one PrimaDonkeys…….!’

Oh dear ! Oh dear ! what fun we had ! Next week - last match before the cruel midwinter break…Don’t Miss It ! First team: AWAY to Park Langley, Second Team: HOME to Biggin Hill

Phil, with grateful thanks to our beloved and revered squash chairman VinthePrint

10^th December

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