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‘So’, I remarked to HID, on Thursday eve after receiving Olli The Stalker’s account
of an epic semi-final battle, ‘ Gaultier tomorrow evening…..should be great, nine lads
going from the club….prime seats- about three rows back, up real close….be able to
see all the action’.
 
At which she gave me a rather odd glance but I thought nothing more of it and
continued attempting to complete the seemingly endless HID challenges of ironing,
packing for our Easter hols, sugar soaping walls for the decorator…(bit like cleaning
before the cleaner comes…..) ad infinitum.. … her intention being, it slowly dawned
on me….to make me as knackered as possible by the time I retired to bed so that the
only thing on my mind would be a good night’s rest……..
Later though I overheard HID on the phone to her best mate Frances aka ‘Soppy Tart’
in best Sybil Fawlty tones ‘Yes…I’m really worried about him … you’ll never guess
where he’s going tomorrow eve …it’s the last straw….off to a Gaultier haute couture
show…with a crowd from the ‘club’…talk about being in touch with their feminine
side… s’pose they’ll be coming back with some multi-colored Lycra, vinyl and
leather bike pants, kilt-ish ‘mens’ skirts. S’pose he’ll be saying soon, "Equality of
gender, that’s what it’s all about…if there's couture for women, why not for men? If
it’s good enough for Jack Nicolson and Roman Polanski then it’s good enough for
après-squash wear at The Green Oasis "……..
How I laughed ! Tears rolling rather decorously and outrageously in a rather fashion
conscious way down my cheeks at the rather endearing characteristic of the female
species to continually manage to get the wrong end of the stick……For it was no
outrageous fashion show that we boys were going to…cross dressing taking place on
most Tuesdays….in the season….tonight it was the annual squash tournie finals with
few beers after at All Bar One !
Thanks to Peter Nicol (fellow member of Olli The Stalker’s pub quiz team) and Tim
Garner- our friends at Eventis, purveyors of Prince rackets and sportswear to the
unwary…..we had once again fantastic seats with ace exposure on official
photographs and tv coverage…..
And the squash? Not bad..not too shabby at all…
Started off with Legends of our Lunchtime…..Peter Nicol and Simon Parke……..the
latter resplendent in shirt of bright red ……red? Not really on, I thought……what
happened to white or cool pastel colours ?…another sign surely of the continual
decline in standards in society generally……
Even with games lasting less than nine minutes, these two gladiators of the modern
era were feeling their years……or lack of training…but still managed to express
themselves with fine shots and match winning boasts and smashes that we mere
mortals could only dream about…..
What was billed as Best of Five ended in a well deserved win for Simon 2-
1…presumably Peter, as co-organiser had decided he’d had enough and used his
influence with fellow co-organiser Tim to bring proceedings to a rather premature
end…to live…..and fight another day…..when he’d got a bit fitter methinks !
So, onto the main match…Nick Matthews having won after a marathon and awesome
two hours ten semi final against the likeable little frog - …Gregoire Gaultier. Surely,
we thought..all the Onion Seller has to do is dig in, take it to five and he’s won…no
way that Matthews can last the pace..
Game plan then is to let Matthews to make all the running, Gaultier to hang on in, tire
him out and then take it in the fifth……Obvious really …
One thing you can say about the French (amongst many other pleasantries) is that
they’re a contrary lot…Oblivious to the Game plan, Gaultier proceeds to dominate the
play…all the attacking and positive shots coming from him with Matthews
determinedly hanging in…well rather more than that but you get the picture…
But…..Gaultier somehow found himself 2-1 down, weird or what? Slight lack of
focus maybe….garlic overdose last night?…who knows? And then a bit of a
difference of opinion with the Lady Ump and fellow markers…some stirring play
from Miller as he sensed an opening and……it was all over ! Victory to Our Man !
Controversial or what?  Zut Alors ! The best man lost…but not unexpected I suppose
really, French flair and touch against British Bulldog resilience, resistance and dogged
determination…there could really and truly and somewhat inevitably be only one
winner !
And some time later, as we reeled out of All Bar One having had pleas chat and – for
two of us, leaving female hearts unrequited – we headed homewards after a
great…nay AWESOME evening at what is a NOT TO BE MISSED ANNUAL
SQUASH TOURNIE !
Roll on next year…….You gotta be there !
 
 
Phil
 
29th March 2010