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As the cherry blossom blossoms, the light whispy fluffy clouds scud across the horizon, interrupting the warm post prandial heat from Mr Sun….the afternoon reverberating to the gentle bonk bonking of the tennis members on the all weather surface show courts…

Another idyllic Sunday afternoon at the Green Oasis, as John Premier Service, our genial host, hands round jugs of freshly made Pimms with his urbane and witty greetings and ripostes to one and all………Idyllic Indeed ! …..but the calm tranquillity is

SHATTERED ! by the arrival of 16 fine physical specimens set to do battle in the intense heat of the Pressure Cauldron of Fear…

Yep, from 2pm that Sunday, no mercy would be shown, no quarter given, as the rapier like cut and thrust of the gladiatorial battles progressed throughout the afternoon, leading up to the intense, pressurised, nerve racking climax to the proceedings….The SQUASH DOUBLES FINAL 2010 !

The afternoon had started gently enough with early random coupling on the outer courts as Hoppity’s Round Robin best of seven game format resulted in lengthy matches and animated discourse as to the merits of this structure…

Having now (re)discovered how to play Doubles and become familiar with one’s partner the Hoppity format moved onto the knockout stage, the semi finals and after about 3-4 hour play for those lucky successful ones…to the FINAL itself!

Oh what names were lost along the way….early favourites Stormin’ Norman with much admired pristine sweetspot…..Gentleman John Amiss……Sam ‘The Hammer’ Hickling…all gone, all fallen by the wayside with our purveyor of stately homes …(homes in a state? ) Martin Smith…..464 finding no route home….Alex the Fireman…..Gary ‘van broke down mate’ Church…..the Brothers Wise fortunately not playing with each other…..even, unbelievably, the wheels fell off our fiercely competitive beloved and revered squash chairman, VinthePrint ……Graham sole representative of the Club Teams….Emmet ‘What sort of name is that?’ Czuka….

And then, there were 4…….

TEAM ICON

Steve ‘Asahi’ Whitlock partnered by the sublime skills of Phil ‘The Icon’ Ashton, with Go Faster haircut, his boyish good looks belying his 40 odd years…

V

TEAM HOPPITY

Simon‘ Give Us a Song’ Hopper partnered by new boy and lucky pick (for Simon) Terry Findlay

Having already played in the Round Robin, these pairings were intimately familiar with each others play, Steve and Terry battling away down the back hand with superb reactions and consummate skill, with phil making up the numbers and Hoppity, letting out rather intimidating war cries of somewhat primitive origins whenever Team Hoppity edged ahead……

First blood to Team Hoppity….but Team Icon dramatically and resurgently pulled back…

Two one to Team Hoppity….there was nothing in it…no more than a couple of points…first one side, then the other..a slight advantage….an Iconic smile to the gallery, a resounding serve …and two all ….

As the spectators recharged their glasses and mumbled that ‘If it don’t finish soon then we’re off to have the curry supplied by our sponsors The Raj Moni whilst it’s still hot’ the battle weary combatants returned to the deciding game....

Team Icon into an early lead….Gary managing to keep reasonable track of the score….for once…but Simon with a couple of lengths hugging the wall, languid lobs and coupled with Terry’s exquisite drops…it looked all over for Team Icon…

But no…..back again…on serve…..in charge…then Hoppity’s Lob of Lobs …pressure shots…drops had to be so so accurate…and Team Hoppity surging forwards…..a drop….The Icon propelling himself ..stretching….there…almost…but no……it just…just…clipped the tin…..

Three - Two to Team Hoppity ! Standing Ovation of relief that it was all over from the Massed Spectators as they rushed out to the curry…

AFTER PARTY

Curry, Carling, Awards, Photo Opportunities and Speeches….

Marvellous, a truly awesome tournie we all agreed as we raised our glasses to The Winners, the Losing Finalists (or should that be the Winning Semi Finalists ?)..The Raj Moni and of course our egregious, genial mine host John Premier Service, resplendently attired in the latest Alan Partidge Pringle range of Sunday leisurewear ….

About £25 raised for Charity as well ! Onto next year…..by which time I might just have recovered …maybe… maybe not….!

Phil

26^th April 2010

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